How to get home

I wouldn't class myself as an expert on how to get home, it took me 9 weeks, 3 days and 10 hours. I know many babies manage to get home in less than 1 day but if you get caught in the hospital's web, this may help.

First things first, only go home when you're ready. As you can see in this picture, I'm clearly not ready to go home.

It takes time, but don't rush. If you came early like me, then you need to give your parents time to get things ready. Perhaps they need to buy you a cot, a pram, bottles or nappies. They may also want to set up a little nursery for you, clean the house and buy you some clothes. This is why I waited such a long to go home, my parents hadn't done anything before I was born and when I was they just stayed next to me instead of sorting anything out.

 


When you feel that your ready for the next step, there are a few things you have to do to get past the doctors' defenses. Firstly, you need to put on weight - this can be difficult, believe me. It takes lots of time and sometimes you'll find yourself losing weight which is not what you want and it also confuses people. Don't get disheartened. You'll more likely get weighed twice a week or more so it's easy to get back to where you were. If however, you feel like you're not getting anywhere, I suggest making yourself constipated. It really is surprising how much difference a single poo can make. Last week I lost weight, but after using this method this week I put on 320g! (11ounces). Everybody cheered. Hooray for Felix! He's put on lots of weight! That was easy, the hard part if getting rid of it again.

Doctors also want you to breathe by yourself, but if you can't do that very well they will let you go home with some Oxygen. My parents tried hard for me to breathe by myself and they kept on pushing to turn off my Oxygen supply. This was fine for a few days, but I did get very tired. I also changed colour and made my parents panic, but I don't remember that. If you try to breath air before you're ready you'll probably stay in hospital a little longer than necessary. I advise you to let the doctors and nurses keep you on a set-level and behave. Nobody likes a show-off, especially one whom changes colour.

If, like me, you are going home on Oxygen you'll need the assistance of your parents and nurses. The nurses will phone the Oxygen people whilst your parents will phone the fire station, home insurance, car insurance and utility providers. They will let them know you'll be coming home with stuff that helps you and stuff that makes things burn.

All done? Great. You're nearly ready to go home. All that is left to do now is to take your milk from the hospital's freezer and put it in yours at home. My Mum made a lot. If yours did, you'll have to get your parents to buy a new freezer to fit it all in. Warm, old milk smells like my feet.  

Finally, you need to make sure you have all the ingredients for your cocktails. I have nine different medicines to take daily. Make sure your parents don't drink it with their tea.  It's very important!

Quick check list

Have you.........
 
Given your parents enough time to sort themselves out?
Put on weight?
Arranged oxygen if needed?
Taken your milk home?
Brought your medicines with you?


If you have answered 'Yes' to all the above you're nearly ready to go home. All you need next is;

A little something to say thank you to all the nurses and doctors.

A very proud Mum or Dad with a flying chair.

A suitable going home outfit.

 

  

and sleep (very important)

 When you wake up.....

 Congratulations!

You have made it home. 

 

It's now time to broadcast yourself to the world. 

Hello Thailand! 

Hello home. 

 Thank you all so much for your kind support whilst I have been in hospital.It has helped more than you can imagine.

I love you all. 

Felix

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